Company B, 2^nd Wisconsin Civil War Re-enactors Presidential acceptance speech, January 8, 2010

Thank you for electing me. As your President, I propose a series of unprecedented, historic changes to improve the hobby and move Company B forward.

One: Uniforms are too expensive! We need more competition! We need Uniform Reform!

I will be asking the Treasury for a $1000 budget to form a company option for uniforms. We will increase dues only on the richest members to cover the treasury shortfall, and make uniforms more affordable for all. If you refuse to sign up to receive uniforms through the company option, you will be fined $100 annually.

Two: The footwear industry is losing money, and they are goo big to fail. I propose a Brogan Bailout! I will ask the Treasury for a $500 stimulus package. We will take this money, and return it to you in the form of a $5 rebate for every pair of Civil War Footwear you purchase, to replace your old, beat up , era boots and shoes. This program will be called “Cash for Clodhoppers”.

There will be no cost to you. The Stimulus will be paid back by increasing dues on members starting in 2020, on money that the treasury will borrow. In addition, Brogan executives will be restricted to an annual profit of $5000. This is more than enough in my opinion. Any Brogan executive making more than this is evil!

Three: We have an imminent crisis! Black powder and brass caps are damaging to muskets and their owners! Black powder is corrosive, ruining barrels and lungs. Musket barrels just keep getting thinner and thinner. They are literally melting away. Something needs to be done now, or in less than 10 years, there will be no more muskets! We need to reverse man made musket rusting now! Additionally, wings on caps are flying off on impact, hurtling them into reenactors faces.

We will be switching to alternate powders, such as pyrodex, and alternate wingless caps. You can however, continue to use black powder and winged caps, if you by powder offsets, to be supplied by the executive committee. We will use the revenue generated by the offsets to buy pyrodex for the less fortunate union reenactors to save their muskets. This rule will be called “Caps and Trade”. Using this, we will eventually, once and for all, put those black powder fat cats out of business!

Four: This little war with the confederates was ill conceived, and has drug on far too long. The south has a legitimate, understandable point, and needs to take care of their own problems. I have an exit strategy that will get us out of Virginia and Tennessee by the end of the year.

First, we are going to hire and train a local southern police force to keep the rebels in check. Second, we will have troop surge into the Florida theater. Third, we will follow this with a complete withdrawal to Wisconsin at the appropriate time. We need to apologize to the confederates for the transgressions of our previous administrations and members of company B over its history.

Thank you for anointing me President. With your help, I can finally make Company B something the rest of the reenacting world can come to respect and proud of. Thank you.